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Slavery: The Bright Side
Posted by Clif on 09/28/07 at 12:15 am
Category: Politics
Bet you didn’t know that slavery in America had a bright side, but leave it to Michael Medved to find it, even if he does have to make up lots of stuff along the way. In fact, slavery doesn’t just have one bright side, it has bright sides! Why, lordy, it’s almost enough to make me want to quit my job and become a slave in a cotton field.
Let’s see what these bright sides are.
1. SLAVERY WAS AN ANCIENT AND UNIVERSAL INSTITUTION, NOT A DISTINCTIVELY AMERICAN INNOVATION.
At the time of the founding of the Republic in 1776, slavery existed literally everywhere on earth and had been an accepted aspect of human history from the very beginning of organized societies.
Clearly, slaves in the American South found it a great consolation that there were lots of other slaves in other countries and had been for many years. If you want to see for yourself how good this argument is, try it out on the next person you meet with cancer. “Stop complaining, Mildred, you act like your the only person who ever got cancer! In fact, millions of people have cancer, so kwichyer bitchin’, okay?”
And, of course, Medved’s claim that in 1776 slavery existed “literally everywhere on earth” is a steaming pile.
2. SLAVERY EXISTED ONLY BRIEFLY, AND IN LIMITED LOCALES, IN THE HISTORY OF THE REPUBLIC – INVOLVING ONLY A TINY PERCENTAGE OF THE ANCESTORS OF TODAY’S AMERICANS.
The Thirteenth Amendment to the Constitution put a formal end to the institution of slavery 89 years after the birth of the Republic.
Only 89 years? Why that’s nothing. And don’t forget that the concentration camps in Germany only lasted several years, so why the hell are people complaining about them?
3. THOUGH BRUTAL, SLAVERY WASN’T GENOCIDAL: LIVE SLAVES WERE VALUABLE BUT DEAD CAPTIVES BROUGHT NO PROFIT.
Historians agree that hundreds of thousands, and probably millions of slaves perished over the course of 300 years during the rigors of the “Middle Passage” across the Atlantic Ocean.
Because, it’s only genocidal when you kill billions of people.
4. IT’S NOT TRUE THAT THE U.S. BECAME A WEALTHY NATION THROUGH THE ABUSE OF SLAVE LABOR: THE MOST PROSPEROUS STATES IN THE COUNTRY WERE THOSE THAT FIRST FREED THEIR SLAVES.
In fact, Southern plantation owners lost money on each slave. They kept them only out of a sense of Christian charity. More wicked states like New York and Connecticut freed the slaves so that they’d stop losing money on them and could become centers of banking, finance and industry.
5. WHILE AMERICA DESERVES NO UNIQUE BLAME FOR THE EXISTENCE OF SLAVERY, THE UNITED STATES MERITS SPECIAL CREDIT FOR ITS RAPID ABOLITION.
In the course of scarcely more than a century following the emergence of the American Republic, men of conscience, principle and unflagging energy succeeded in abolishing slavery not just in the New World but in all nations of the West.
This is rather like a defendant trying to argue to a judge that even though he did try to kill his wife, he got her to the hospital pretty quickly. But the best part is the notion that Americans ended slavery in all nations in the West. Apparently had it not been for the Emancipation Proclamation, there would still be slaves in London waiting to be freed.
6. THERE IS NO REASON TO BELIEVE THAT TODAY’S AFRICAN-AMERICANS WOULD BE BETTER OFF IF THEIR ANCESTORS HAD REMAINED BEHIND IN AFRICA.
Come on, Mikey, say what you really mean — if we hadn’t abducted their relatives into hard labor they’d still be running around with bones in their noses, worshipping pagan gods and eating each other.
NOTE: This post appeared for about 3 minutes at Sadly, No! until I discovered that only minutes before Jillian posted on the same Medved column there. Coincidence or hacking? You decide.
