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Archive for May 2007
Update Ben’s Bio and Win a Prize!
Posted by Clif on 05/31/07 at 6:31 pm
Category: America's Worst Law Student
Ben Shapiro, formerly (or maybe still) America’s Worst Law Student™, tries his hand at comedy over at Clown Hall with predictably lame results. Ben focuses his rapier wit on global climate change and announces that his contribution towards fighting global warming will be to eat more beef. That’s because cow farts create greenhouse gases. *Rimshot.* Try the veal, folks!
But this all raises a more compelling question. Ben was supposed to have graduated from Harvard Law School by now. But his bio still says that our little Benjamin is a student at HLS. Perhaps he flunked out or was held back. After all, if he’d graduated, wouldn’t Ben be crowing about the rewards of wingnut welfare awaiting him at some right-wing group think tank? Or telling us that he’d been hired by Gibson, Dunn and Crutcher to run errands and write research memos for Ted Olson and Eugene Scalia?
Here’s a challenge (and a prize) for faithful Outsiders. The first person to provide proof that Ben didn’t graduate as planned or, if he did graduate, to provide proof of Ben’s next gig will win a copy of Kenji Yoshino’s Covering: The Hidden Assault on Our Civil Rights, a book that Ben would be sure to hate.
So, ladies and gentleman, fire up those search engines and start making some calls! Discover Ben’s future and win fame, glory, fortune, countless accolades, my undying appreciation and a book. And unlike certain other contests, this one is real and has real prizes, not just empty promises of swag.
Who Killed Jerry Falwell?
Posted by Clif on 05/29/07 at 12:33 pm Category: Gay Issues, Wingnuts, Radical Clerics
Delusional radio host Janet Folger is over at WingNut Daily today riding her usual hobby horse — you know, her never-ending spiel that Christians are being persecuted by the gays and not vice versa. That is, of course, why heterosexual marriage is now a criminal act while gay marriage is legal in all fifty states and subsidized by the federal government.
To document her imagined gay-had against Christianity, Janet strings together some nasty things that some gay activists said about “the godliest man I ever met,” which, sadly for Janet, was apparently Jerry Falwell. Feeling perhaps that this didn’t pack enough oomph to support her wildly counter-intuitive theory, she decides to make shit up:
Homosexuals more than hated Jerry Falwell, whom they attacked, maligned, ridiculed and threatened. He didn’t make it widely known, but homosexual activists even attempted to kill him.
Perhaps Falwell didn’t “make it widely known” because it never happened. The only person who ever attempted to kill Falwell was the porcine pastor himself, who regularly threatened his own life with third and fourth helpings and who died, in the end, by his own fork-laden hand.
Al-Gayda Threat to Birmingham Burger King Squelched
Posted by Clif on 05/28/07 at 10:46 pm Category: Gay Issues
A gay terrorist cell in Dothan, Alabama, was raided today by U.S. Marshals and agents of the Alabama Department of Homeland Security. James Walker, the head of the Alabama DHS reported that agents had recovered 6 copies of Men’s Health magazine, 4 marriage licenses from Massachusetts, several iPods filled to capacity with gay club music, 2 South Park DVDs, 3 cans of protein supplements, a large box of hair care products, and two dozen condoms. The men are all awaiting bond.
Or at least that what’s you might have thought when you read the stories about Alabama’s Department of Homeland Security hosting a website where it said that gay rights groups posed a risk of domestic terrorism. While poking around the story, I found a few interesting details not elsewhere mentioned.
- Alabama may have tried to bury the evidence of its stupidity by taking down the page in question, but the Wayback Machine kindly preserved a copy. You can see the page here.
- In addition to gay rights groups, the list included “Anti-genetic Activists.” The site helpfully explained to its not-so-swift audience that “anti-genetic activists” are opposed to genetically altered crops. I was able to find one report where some activists destroyed three research plantings in California. No suicide bombings, however.
- James “Bubba” Walker, the head of the Alabama DHS, in a rare moment of unintentional candor, called the website “an idiot’s guide to terrorism” and said that he disagreed with the complaints about the site.
- Walker would probably do the state a favor, and be less likely to embarrass it with idiocy like the terrorism site, if he’d spend all his work time on his job and stop moonlighting for a consulting group.
- Alabama copied the website almost word-for-word from one put up by the Pennsylvania Department of Homeland Security. The Pennsylvania site, which also refers to gay rights groups as likely domestic terrorists, is still up and running.
UPDATE: Pennsylvania quietly changed its website and eliminated the bit about gay rights groups being terrorists. The evidence, however, is preserved here thanks to the Wayback Machine.
The Truth Is Told at Last
Posted by Fanny on 05/27/07 at 7:05 am Category: Dog Blogging
Something I’ve long suspected, but which no one dared admit before. Details here.
Steyn Supports A Woman’s Right to Choose. . . A Cocktail
Posted by Clif on 05/26/07 at 7:33 am Category: Politics, America's Shittiest Website, Wingnut Science
After days of frothing at the mouth over the proposed immigration legislation, the folks at America’s Shittiest Website™ (aka The Corner) have returned at last to their usual topics. For example, Mark Steyn, frequent Corner poster and national embarrassment to the entire Canadian nation, weighed in yesterday on “the nanny state.” This was, of course, a prime opportunity for Steyn to trot out a little wingnut science:
British government advice - no drinking at all during pregnancy - is entirely unrelated to any real medical risk. But it’s a fascinating glimpse into the diminishing returns that accompany the over-nannyfication of advanced societies.
“Entirely unrelated.” Entirely. In other words, there is not a single shred, not one iota of credible evidence that drinking during pregnancy has any ill effects on a fetus. Er, bullshit.
This is, of course, supremely ironic coming from someone who purports to be against abortion for any reason. It is just another example of how the anti-abortion guys profess maximum solicitude for undifferentiated zygotes but drop the ball when it comes to, you know, actual babies. Or, to put it another way, life begins at conception but ends at the first cocktail.
Slow Down and Absorb the Vodka
Posted by Clif on 05/25/07 at 2:07 am Category: Politics
St. Peggy of the Dolphins has written a column on immigration. It is called “Slow Down and Absorb.” It has many short sentences.
She doesn’t like the new bill. It is an insult to Americans. Americans will do any job. Peggy once worked in a flower shop. And waited tables. She did. And she was happy. They had vodka there.
Peggy thinks we shouldn’t pass the new bill.
We should debate what to do, at length. Debate isn’t bad. There’s a lot to say. We can all join in.
Peggy’s martini is good. It is cold. Peggy pours herself another.
We should do nothing extreme, only things that are commonsensical.
The martini helps Peggy forget.
Here is the truth: America has never deported millions of people, and America will never deport millions of people
It’s not what we do. It’s not who we are. It’s not who we want to be. The American people would never accept evening news pictures of sobbing immigrants being torn from their homes and put on a bus.
We don’t round up and remove.
We’ve got to start telling the story of our country again.
Indeed.
In Harms Way
Posted by Clif on 05/23/07 at 3:02 pm Category: Gay Issues, Loathsome Republicans, Stupid Republicans
Nebraska Senators reaffirmed yesterday the right of companies to fire gay employees. Republican Senator Tony Fulton, pointed to the series “Will and Grace” to defend his opposition to the bill, which would have made it illegal for companies to discriminate on the basis of sexual orientation:
Gays have attained a favorable cultural status, said Sen. Tony Fulton of Lincoln, who referred to popular television shows where homosexuals are prominent. . . . . “There’s a certain amount of credibility, I guess, granted to the homosexual lifestyle,” Fulton said.
By that logic, the Oprah show would a reason to repeal anti-discrimination provisions protecting blacks, but let’s not give the Nebraska Republican any ideas, shall we?
Fellow Republican Senator John Harms, not wanting to be outdone in the imbecility department, clinched the title of Nebraska’s least intelligent Congressman with an even more astonishingly dimwitted defense of his opposition to the bill:
Sen. John Harms of Scottsbluff suggested that being homosexual is the result of a choice, unlike other protected classes of people.
“I don’t believe they should be in the same class of race, color, creed, religion because I believe life is about a series of choices,” Harms said.
Apparently Harms thinks that people are born Baptist but convert to homosexuality.
The Whitest Boy Alive
Posted by Clif on 05/22/07 at 8:44 am Category: Politics, Unintentional Humor
If my dad were running for President as a right-wing nut job, I’d probably not set up a MySpace page where I confessed my affection for a Berlin-based rock band called “The Whitest Boy Alive.” But then again, I’m not Craig Romney, who may also be the whitest boy alive himself.
Craig is the youngest contributor to a preposterous exercise in political narcissism — a blog on Mitt Romney’s campaign site where the five sons of Mitt post pictures of themselves engaged in making phone calls to hit people up for money, kissing the butts of political contributors, getting ready for some campaign event, and then making more phone calls. Craig’s contributions have been mostly posts that recount family matters in the sort of mind-numbing detail you find in those preprinted Christmas letters mass-mailed every year by boastful relatives. Except in Craig’s case they read like they were written by a sixth grader. Who had been dropped on his head when he was a baby.
Here’s a sample:
The entire family was gathered together in New Hampshire last week to celebrate my mom’s birthday. It was a great reason to see everyone, especially all of my nieces and nephews. The weather wasn’t exactly cooperative (we were in the midst of a nor’easter), but we still managed to have some fun. My brother, Ben, and I played home run derby in the middle of a snow storm. I was even thinking about jumping in the lake before we arrived, but it was still covered with ice when we got there.
And then we have Craig telling stories about Grandpa George Romney (whom little Craigie still calls Bardha):
Everywhere I go, people share their adoration and respect for Bardha and his legacy with me. I’ve heard stories of people who marched together with my grandfather in a civil rights parade, and even a story about him campaigning in New Hampshire with a baby elephant in 1968.
Craig, sweetie, I don’t think they were called “parades.”
And I suppose you just won’t be able to sleep until you find out how Grandpa George got his nickname:
I had Tagg ask our cousin Jody if she remembered where Bardha came from – the story her mom tells her is that when she was a toddler she had a favorite blanket that she called Barta. Somehow she transferred that name to our grandfather. We called our grandmother Mahs – that came from the same cousin trying to say mom.
In his next post, Craig is going to tell about the time that he cut a big smelly one and blamed it on Tagg.