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Archive for April 2006
Zirkle Jerk
Posted by Clif on 04/30/06 at 1:33 pm
Category: Wingnuts, Stupid Republicans
Tony Zirkle, who’s challenging Chris “Count” Chocola, in the Republican primary for the 2nd District of Indiana, is obsessed with pornography. So much so that he bought a copy of the first issue of Playboy on eBay and then proceeded to shred it. That’s Tony in the picture on the right, holding the magazine quite daintily so that none of its porno-cooties will rub off on him.
The worst thing about pornography, according to Zirkle, is that it makes men gay.* No, you read that right. Nudie girlie pictures are what make guys gay. It does that because pornography, according to Zirkle, keeps men from having real relationship with women. I’m surprised that Zirkle hasn’t proposed that gay pornography be freely available because it keeps gay men from having real relationships with other men and, thus, makes them straight. I guess he hasn’t quite thought that one through yet.
Similar gems can be found on Tony’s website which proves, yet again, that the funniest Republican humor is completely unintentional. I commend Tony’s site when you need a giggle. There’s way too much material there for me to give it a full treatment, but here are some of my favorite gems:
Shall we in the American West allow the First Amendment to be perverted into a systematic blood-letting suicide pact by giving a pass to the apostate, overly per capita dominated Jewish porn-prostitution business and the typically Christian harlot “actors” who are transforming our children into a mass of self-abusing voyeurs with a STD rate of 50% by the age of 25 on our route to the #1 contender for repeating, on the literal level of interpretation, what the apocalyptic “Babylon” did in “ma[king] all nations drink the wine of the wrath of her fornication” (”porn” in Greek). Rev. 14:8. KJV.
Now that’s a sentence that would make Pastor Swank proud.
Tony says that he “spent a significant portion of the entire 1990s studying history” and he amply demonstrates that when he says this:
A modern parallel might be when President Johnson’s liberal porn commission was coupled with our inability to beat just 1/2 of Vietnam; whereas after President Reagan made a token effort to combat porn with his conservative porn commission, the Iron Curtain fell in 1989 without a shot needing to be fired by us.
Who needs a military or a defense budget? What we need are more conservative porn commissions!
If you want to have fun with Tony he has put up a discussion board here.
(*The link is now broken but Google preserved Zirkle’s claim here.)
Another Crock of Schmidt
Posted by Clif on 04/28/06 at 10:30 pm Category: Lying Republicans
Serial liar Jean Schmidt (R - Ohio) has been reprimanded by the bipartisan Ohio Election Commission, after a unanimous vote, for lying on her website.
Mean Jean said that she had two degrees from the University of Cincinnatti when, in fact, she had only one. Her claim on her campaign web site to have a Bachelor’s of Education from Cincinnatti was, in fact, a bald-faced lie.
Schmidt’s defense was this was the fault of her web site designers who just made up stuff and put it on her web site. Uh huh. “Hey dude, let’s just give Jean a degree in education and one in political science and then go home and play World of Warcraft. Whaddya think?” Web designers don’t make stuff up like this; politicians do.
The Party of Dopes: The Republicans, the National Review and the Disregard for Basic Decency
Posted by Clif on 04/27/06 at 11:36 pm Category: America's Shittiest Website
Over at America’s Shittiest Website™, Ramesh Ponnuru is still trying to explain why the title of his new book — The Party of Death: The Democrats, the Media, the Courts, and the Disregard for Human Life — isn’t calling Democrats the “Party of Death,” which is rather like saying that “The Brothers Karamazov” isn’t really saying that the Karamazovs are brothers.
Here is Ramesh’s tortured explanation:
There is ample precedent for the use of the word “party” to refer to something other than, say, the Democratic National Committee. I use the word “party” the same way Hayek used it in the phrase “the party of life” (he wasn’t referring to the Tories), Rochelle Gurstein used the phrase “the party of reticence” and “the party of exposure” (she wasn’t talking about Rs and Ds), and the way the Nation has used the phrase “the war party” (it wasn’t referring exclusively to Republicans).
Except in none of these instances did the parties in question write the name of a political party right after the phrase. Hayek didn’t write “The Party of Life: The Tories.” Ponnuru would have been better off to say that his editor, serial plagiarist Ben Domanech, ripped the title off from The Gun Club.
15 Cents
Posted by Clif on 04/26/06 at 10:07 pm Category: Town Hall Watch
Walter Williams, Clown Hall regular, is pissed at Oprah. Here’s what he had to say about a show she did two weeks ago:
About a fortnight ago, Mrs. Williams alerted me to an episode of Oprah Winfrey’s show titled “Inside the Lives of People Living on Minimum Wage.” After a few minutes of watching, I turned it off, not because of the heartrending tales but because most of what was being said was dead wrong. Let’s look at it.
The show claims that 30 million Americans earn the minimum wage of $5 an hour. Actually, the federal minimum wage is $5.15 an hour.
Oprah should be ashamed of herself making such a huge mistake like that. Fifteen cents is alot of money. I would have turned off my widescreen plasma TV too. That additional fifteen cents an hour will buy a gallon of gas after only twenty hours of work. Hell, it would pay for a plasma TV after only ten years. What would we do without Walter keeping these lying liberals on the straight and narrow?
(Oh, and that embarrassing photo of Walter at Cato is the real thing. You can find it here.)
(Oh, and another thing, what kind of pretentious twit says “fortnight” anymore?)
Big Gay Tool
Posted by Clif on 04/25/06 at 8:27 pm Category: GayPatriot.net
Anybody who has followed the blogging career of the Gay Patriot Idiot, a/k/a Bruce Carroll, knows that when the poor fellow tries to do research on the Internet, hilarity will inevitably ensue.
Well, Bruce has been traipsing around the Federal Election Commission’s website and has reached a quintessentially Bruce-ian conclusion: the Gay and Lesbian Victory Fund, says Bruce, is “nothing more than a tool for Organized Labor — their single biggest contributor.” Just so you won’t miss the point, Bruce even titles his post: “Gay & Lesbian Victory Fund — Organized Labor’s Big Gay Tool.”
Bruce doesn’t really say why he’s in a twist that “Organized Labor” has contributed to the Victory Fund. Perhaps he is afraid that Organized Labor is secretly plotting to require collective bargaining over what should and shouldn’t be in the Homosexual Agenda. (Drinks at 5? Shopping at Abercrombie? A Jetta in the driveway? South Beach or Provincetown?)
Anyways, just for fun (and to make fun of Bruce), let’s see what the FEC site actually has to say about the Victory Fund and whether or not the Victory Fund is just a Big Old Gay Tool of Organized Labor
Here’s the data from 2003-2004, the latest election cycle. The Victory Fund received $1,596,588 in individual contributions, $30,500 in committee contributions, of which $20,000 came from AFSCME, SEIU, the American Federation of Teachers and the Brotherhood of Carpenters. I’m certain that the Victory Fund is going to be a complete tool of the labor unions as a result of their combined contributions equal to just slightly more than 1 percent of the Fund’s budget.
Bruce’s additional claim that “Organized Labor” is the single largest contributor to the fund is also just batshit stupid. To begin with, it makes no sense to combine all union contributions into one pool and not do the same for the gay individuals who contributed 99 percent of the Fund’s resources. If you did that, it would make the “Gay Community” — and not “Organized Labor — the “single largest contributor.” Moreover, the FEC shows that there were plenty of individuals who gave more than the unions. For example, William Colburn gave more than $10,000. Sheila Morris gave $6500. And if you go through the list, you’ll find others.
Calling the Victory Fund the “Big Gay Tool” of “Organized Labor” in these circumstances is like calling Bruce the Big Gay Tool of the Republican Party. Oops. Bad analogy. Okay, it’s like calling the Republican Party the tool of Bruce Carroll because he once gave them fifty bucks.
Champagne for Everyone, Even the Cats!
Posted by Clif on 04/25/06 at 7:54 pm Category: White House
My secret plan to sneak on to Atrios’s blogroll by writing for The American Street has succeeded beyond my wildest imagination. On Saturday over at the American Street, I wrote a post about Tony Snow, who of late has been complaining about how the mean old liberals were calling him bad names, apparently having forgotten his own penchant to do the same thing to liberals.
Well, whaddya know, but Dan Froomkin linked to my post on Tony Snow in his online Washington Post column today. So did Brad DeLong. So, you know what, who needs Duncan and his silly cats? Not me!
Preserve, Protect and Defend
Posted by Clif on 04/25/06 at 1:29 am Category: Politics
Next time you wonder (rhetorically, of course) why Our Glorious Leader doesn’t really care about the Constitution, it’s because he has absolutely no clue about what the document actually says. Today in Orange County Bush had this to say:
It’s not easy work, by the way, to go from tyranny to democracy. We had kind of a round go ourself, if you look back at our history. My Secretary of State’s relatives were enslaved in the United States even though we had a Constitution that said all were — that believed in the dignity, or at least proclaimed to believe in the dignity of all.
The Constitution’s Defender-in-Chief is apparently referring to Article I, Section 2, which provided that slaves had exactly three-fifths as much dignity as everyone else.
Do You Know The Way to San Jose Tehran?
Posted by Clif on 04/24/06 at 8:27 am Category: White House
Last Friday, Our Glorious Leader attempted to meet with a few of the yahoos at the HooHa Institute at Stanford. Some enterprising students at Stanford, however, took time off from clipping their bond coupons long enough to stage a little protest, which forced Bush to relocate his meeting from Hooha Central to an off-campus location.
So what was Bush doing making a spring pilgrimage to San Jose? Well, it might have something to do with the fact that the folks at the Hooha Institute have been rattling the bars of their cages and screaming for a pre-emptive attack on Iran. Yikes.
Château Margaux To Go
Posted by Clif on 04/23/06 at 11:54 am Category: Politics
Katherine Harris has a little explaining to do about the $2800 meal that she had at Citronelle with serial briber Mitchell Wade. The tab, not surprisingly, was picked up by Wade. According to a statement released by Harris:
Just to resolve any questions, I have donated to a local Florida charity $100 which will more than adequately compensate for the cost of my beverage and appetizers.
“The night of our dinner, Mr. Wade purchased several expensive bottles of wine which he took home with him uncorked — this is apparently the reason the bill was so high.”
Katherine, always the grazer, makes clear that she only had a “beverage and appetizers” during Mr. Wade’s Lucullan feast. Katherine, apparently feeling that her girlish figure is her main asset in the upcoming Senate race, wants to make it crystal clear that even bribery won’t make her lose sight of her waistline.
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But best of all is Katherine’s whopper about why the bill was so high and her fair share of it was only $100. Katherine says that was because Wade took home several expensive bottles of wine “uncorked.” Um, I don’t think so. Section 705.8 of the DC liquor license regulations requires that all alcohol served in restaurants be opened and served on the premises. Clearly the reason the GOP is lukewarm about Harris is that she just can’t meet the high standards for lying that the party has set for itself.
Moral of the story: if you’re going to go down for dinner, at least finish the Margaux.
While You Were Sleeping . . .
Posted by Clif on 04/22/06 at 12:53 pm Category: Loathsome Republicans
I snuck over to The American Street and posted there. Read at TAS what I have to say about Jo Ann Emerson’s attempt to blame Asshole-Gate on a mysterious intruder. Additionally, I posted a funny picture of Tony Snow and and commented on the even funnier attempt by Tony to make you feel sorry for him because all those mean bloggers are calling him an asshole.