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Archive for February 2006
The Manliest Man
Posted by Clif on 02/27/06 at 8:54 pm
Category: Wingnuts
Ryan Walsh, the 19-year-old classmate of Hans “Heil” Zeiger at Chickenhawk Central a/k/a Hillsdale College, is one of the last eight people on the face of the planet to believe that we had to invade Iraq because of the threat Saddam posed to the United States. He and Hans also both blog at Reagan’s Children where they beat the drum for a war that they don’t want to fight themselves. The folks at Sadly, No! and World O’Crap have been having great fun with Master Walsh on this point
But this paragraph from Master Walsh’s defense of the War in Iraq caught my eye:
As I argue in my book, just as Pearl Harbor shaped the collective foreign policy perspective of the “Greatest Generation,” so also has 9/11 shaped the outlook of today’s young generation. . . . We must, as we have in Afganistan [sic] and Iraq, boldly and unwaveringly confront Islamo-fascism and its material and idealogical [sic] enablers.
Hmm. Is this yet another baby wingnut, like Mr. Zeiger Jugend, with a book deal? Uh, not so much. Ryan is touting a book that hasn’t even been published, probably because of his inability to get the spelling thing down.
Since Ryan’s book is still just a twinkle in his eye, if that, we can’t refer to it to find out anything else about Ryan. Fortunately for inquiring minds, Ryan’s fingerprints can be found all over the Hillsdale website. First, it appears that Ryan is an aspiring thespian, deciding to fight Islamo-Fascism by joining his college drama club which, of course, is a whole lot safer than joining, say, the Army.
But the highlight of Ryan’s college career (except, of course, for his alleged book) is his intriguing response to a question posed to him by the Hillsdale student paper: “If you had to date anyone of the same sex, who would it be?” Ryan’s response:
My first choice would be Steve McQueen; my second, John Wayne. If I want a man, I want the manliest man I can get.
Indeed. I wonder if Hans knows this.
UPDATE: Master Walsh leaves a comment alleging that there are two Ryan Walshes at Hillsdale and that he is not the one that “wants the manliest man possible.” According to Ryan:
The picture an [sic] everything else in your post, besides that I wrote a book, is flat-out wrong.
Not everything in the post, Ryan, is wrong. Certainly, I’m right that you can’t spell. Nor am I wrong that you are only willing to fight the war against “Islamo-Fascism” from your keyboard. Nor am I wrong that the book, if it exists, hasn’t been published.
If I’ve confused two Ryans, my apologies to the actor for confusing him with an orthographically-challenged chickenhawk.
Ja, die Fahne ist mehr als der Tod
Posted by Clif on 02/26/06 at 11:25 am Category: Gay Issues, Wingnuts
Hans Zeiger, a 19-year old student at Hillsdale “Little Wingnut” College, has eschewed the War in Iraq so that he could hunker down in his dorm room and fight the War against Gay Terror. Hans’s first salvo is his book Get Off My Honor, an extended rant about how part of the Gay Agenda is to force the Boy Scouts to give merit badges for buggery. (Apparently there is no dearth of publishers willing to jump on the Ben Shapiro bandwagon and publish the scribblings of baby wingnuts.)
For those of you unwilling to buy the book, Amazon’s “Search Inside” function will allow you to read most of Hans’s scholarly tome for free. Just search for the word “homosexual” — which appears on virtually every single effing page of Hans’s book — and you can read almost the entire thing. Not that you’d want to, since I’ve taken the time to do it for you.
Here are a few highlights.
From page 13:
It is common knowledge that the Boy Scouts of America prohibit homosexuals, atheist, and females. Around the country, the Boy Scouts are under increasing pressure to become politically correct, watered down, feminized, and secularized. Inevitably, these changes would come at the expense of such virtues as duty to God, moral cleanliness, bravery, and reverence.
Because women and gays are, of course, just a bunch of cowards.
From page 25:
But unlike diversity, which, contrary to popular belief, is not a moral virtue, honor requires a Scout’s allegiance to a code of conduct, and that means neither homosexuals nor atheists can become leaders or members of the Boy Scouts.
This little quotation — where Hans derides diversity — is for those of you who think that comparing Hans to a Hitler Youth is extreme.
From page 68:
But as a movement, homosexuality preaches an end to the traditional family. One could reasonably follow the logic of the family’s demise to mean that the community and the nation would face their final days.
There you have it. Gays are out to destroy the world.
We’re Winning. Really, We Are.
Posted by Clif on 02/25/06 at 8:59 am Category: Wingnuts, Iraq
Today we give the “There’s A Silver Cloud in Every Mosque Bombing” Award to Human Events editor Terry Jeffrey for this exchange on CNN:
WOLF BLITZER: Terry, is Iraq falling apart right now?
TERRY JEFFERY: Well, I certainly hope not, Wolf. But I think actually these attacks on Shia shrines can be attributed to the potential success of the Bush strategy.
And Jeffrey’s disappearing chin is proof that his diet is working.
In case you aren’t familiar with Mr. Jeffrey’s publication Wingnut Events, wander over to its website where you can learn that Martin Luther King was under the control of communists and that the solution to the health care crisis is to get rid of health insurance. If CNN is going to hire this moron to spout off on its news programs, they ought to just be done with it and give contracts to David Duke and Mike Adams as well.
Sad Hunk of Meat
Posted by Clif on 02/24/06 at 9:34 am Category: Wankers
St. Peggy of the Dolphins had a rough time last week, so she dipped her pen in purple ink and, in this week’s column, she gives us the most unintentionally hilarious account of air travel since Annie Jacobsen’s “Terror in the Skies.”
Peggy’s adventure began in LaGuardia where it took her, gasp, “an hour” to get through security.
A woman in an airport security uniform patrolled on the left, curtly instructing us to move to the right. A cleaning crew on the right barked, “Coming through, move please!” We stood nervously wherever we wouldn’t be yelled at. No one tried to help us, to calm the fears of those about to miss their flights.
Somebody had apparently told Peggy that the TSA passed out Bloody Marys in Dixie Cups to calm people down and Peggy was pissed that nobody had come by to give her a little liquid re-assurance.
There was a lot of yelling–”I need your ID open and faced forward! No, you must put that in the bin!”
You may wonder about all the barking and yelling that Peggy heard, since you probably didn’t encounter that during your last trip to the airport. However, you probably weren’t trying to go through security after having polished off a liter of Grey Goose the evening before.
I was directed to stand aside for extra clearance. I walked to the rubber mat, stood spread eagled in the Leonardo position, arms out, legs out, as a sleepy stranger ran a wand around my body and patted me for bombs. . . I told her how carelessly we’d been treated. She was surprised. No one told her there were a lot of people waiting in line.
No, she was surprised that some loopy lady apparently thought she was talking to a clerk in Nordstrom’s and not to a TSA agent.
So that was just Peggy’s outbound trip. Her return trip was worse:
Again roughly a thousand people, again all of them being yelled at by airport and TSA personnel.
The Nooners would never exaggerate and actually heard every single one of them being hollered at.
The fingers of the man in front of me were fluttered with anxiety as he grabbed at his back pocket for his wallet so the woman who checks ID would not snap at him or make him miss his flight.
Because if she snapped at him, he was just going to break down, fall on the floor, and have to be dragged off to an ambulance.
This was East Germany in 1960. It was the dictatorship of the clerks, and the clerks were not in a good mood.
You perhaps missed the chapter of Peggy’s bio where she described the two years she spent in East Germany applying for work permits in the 1960s and learned so much about East German clerks then.
After a half hour in line I get to the first security point.
“Linfah,” says the young woman who checked my ID.
“I’m sorry?”
“Linfah.” She points quickly and takes the next person’s ID.
“I’m so sorry, I don’t understand.”
Now she points impatiently. How stupid could I be?
Line Five. Oh. OK.
Ah, yes, only in the White Wall Street Journal can a middle-aged white Irish woman get away with making a TSA worker sound like Uncle Remus in the Song of the South.
Being spoken to by a black person is not the only indignity that Peggy was forced to witness or endure during her stay at Airport Ghraib. She saw an evil TSA agent separate a child from her mother à la Sophie’s Choice. (”What did I do wrong? I’m sorry, mommy.”) A particularly dimwitted passenger is forced to part with a lighter he was trying to carry through security and which he tries to claim is worth $800. (Uh-huh.) And, of course, Peggy was searched again, poor thing, and had to show the TSA agent that she carries a bottle of vodka, a bottle of Xanax, and a carton of cigarettes wherever she goes.
So what is the moral that Peggy draws from this? (Apart from the moral that only dark people should be forced to go through security):
This is all kabuki. We’re being harassed and delayed so politicians can feel good. The security personnel themselves seem to know it’s nonsense: they’re always bored and distracted as they go through my clothing, my stockings, my computer, my earrings. They don’t treat me like a terror possibility, they treat me like a sad hunk of meat.
You know, there’s nothing I can say that will top “sad hunk of meat.” Nothing.
Schmidt Head
Posted by Clif on 02/22/06 at 1:27 pm Category: Loathsome Republicans
Mean Jean Schmidt can dish it out but can’t take it. The track-suited harridan, best known for calling a decorated war hero a coward, is upset that a rival Republican used a long knife to sever her head on a large white cake that bore her likeness. She called the stunt “sickening.” We call it delicious and would like another slice.
A hoof stomp and a whinny to Princess Sparkle Pony for finding the photos!
If She Doesn’t Scare You, No Evil Person Will
Posted by Clif on 02/21/06 at 7:39 pm Category: Lying Republicans
Mary Matalin, sporting what appeared to be a Linda Tripp commemorative microphone brooch, appeared on Meet the Press this weekend to tell a few whoppers about her old boss (Chappaquid)Dick Cheney. My favorite was when Mary claimed that the reason the sheriff’s deputy was turned away from the Armstrong ranch was not to let Dick sober up but was instead dictated by “national security” concerns. Because, you know, that deputy might really have been Osama bin Laden.
That explanation was not only ludicrous but, of course, was also a flat out lie. According to a spokesman for the Secret Service, the deputy was turned away not by the Secret Service but by private security guards who simply hadn’t heard that there had been an accident.
Bruce Misses the Point (Part 117)
Posted by Clif on 02/20/06 at 1:00 pm Category: Gay Issues, GayPatriot.net
The sublimely ridiculous Bruce Carroll, a/k/a The Gay Patriot Idiot, took some time off from his school-girlish fawnings over male “Olympic hotties” yesterday to alert us to a “shocking mirror image” of the Jeff Gannon business. One wonders whether Bruce looks in the same mirror that the rest of us do.
What has Bruce all hissy-fitted-up is the failure of his nemesis, John Aravosis at AmericaBlog, to mention that Tom Malin, a guy running as a Democrat in a Texas state election, was once a male escort. “Double standard!” shrieks Bruce before getting back to the business of drooling over snowboarders.
Of course, the perennially clueless Bruce fails to see the significant difference: the closeted Gannon penned homophobic columns while the uncloseted Malin fully supports equal rights for gays.
For readers who may have forgotten Bruce’s unfortunate incident with John at AmericaBlog, here is a quick refresher. Upset by Aravosis’s revelation of JimmyJeff Guckert/Gannon’s unsavory past, the excitable Bruce posted on his blog pictures of Aravosis and Mike Rogers (who outed Republican Congressman Ed Schrock) under the caption “Wanted: Gay Terrorists.” Later that day, thinking better of the stunt, Bruce removed the “Gay Terrorists” post and announced that he was retiring forever from blogging.
Bruce’s retirement, sadly, didn’t last long. Less than 3 months later, Bruce snuck back into the wingnutosphere with nary an explanation for his absence. There had been some hope that Bruce had spent his brief vacation from blogging attending Clue School, but, alas, all of Bruce’s subsequent posts have clearly demonstrated otherwise.
The Wonderful World of W
Posted by Clif on 02/19/06 at 9:10 pm Category: White House, Iraq
Last Friday, Bush visited the Magic Kingdom for a Florida GOP fundraiser and showed that he’s still capable of putting the W back in whopper.
You can’t imagine somebody saying, vote for me, I promise you war. (Laughter.) Generally, the person doesn’t get elected.
Except, of course, for at least one guy who promised war and still got elected.