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Archive for December 2005
A(rya)nn Coulter on Kwanzaa
Posted by Clif on 12/31/05 at 9:13 pm
Category: Wingnuts
Earlier this year, I vowed never to write again about Ann Coulter. But her latest column is so loathsome, so unspeakably racist that something must be said, particularly since Yahoo! reprints this crap and Bose had an advertisement prominently displayed in the column. Ann’s racist screed takes Kwanzaa as its starting point and offers up this Kwanzaa carol parody:
(Sing to “Jingle Bells”)Kwanzaa bells, dashikis sell
Whitey has to pay;
Burning, shooting, oh what fun
On this made-up holiday!
Because, of course, that’s what blacks do: burning and shooting.
Ann thinks that she can get away with this by connecting Kwanzaa and the Symbionese Liberation Army:
Coincidentally, the seven principles of Kwanzaa are the very same seven principles of the Symbionese Liberation Army, another charming invention of the Least-Great Generation. In 1974, Patricia Hearst, kidnap victim-cum-SLA revolutionary, posed next to the banner of her alleged captors, a seven-headed cobra. Each snake head stood for one of the SLA’s revolutionary principles: Umoja, Kujichagulia, Ujima, Ujamaa, Nia, Kuumba and Imani — the same seven “principles” of Kwanzaa.
Ann is clearly suggesting that Kwanzaa derives its principles from the SLA when, in fact, as Ann surely knows, the derivation runs in the opposite direction. Kwanzaa was first celebrated in 1966, and the SLA cribbed the principles from Kwanzaa in a 1973 manifesto. So her claim that the two are linked is as convincing as a claim that the Roman Catholic church adopted the teachings of Eric Rudolph.
What is most infuriating is that Yahoo! promotes this abominable drivel and its advertisers support it. A Bose advertisement, ironically using multiracial models, is prominently displayed in the midst of Ann’s hate screed:
I’m contacting Bose to ask them why they allow their advertising to support racism. I’ll let you know what they say.
So Funny I Forgot To Laugh
Posted by Clif on 12/29/05 at 7:48 pm Category: Gay Issues, Wingnuts, Civil Rights
The National Review made a name for itself when it debuted as an outspoken advocate of segregation. Fifty years later it has not strayed far from its ideological roots and thinks that homophobic and racist jokes are funny. Alleged humorist Ned Rice serves up these knee slappers in the magazine’s annual predictions for 2006:
Brokeback Mountain becomes the first winner of a new Academy Award category, “Gayest Movie.” Winners note that it’s fabulous just to be nominated, girlfriend.Tookie Williams’ final children’s book —
OK, So I Shot Those Four Mo-Fos — is published posthumously and gets a glowing review in the New York Times.
Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk. It just cracks me up every time straight white guys parody the way that they imagine that gays and blacks talk. The only thing funnier is if he did it in black face and a dress. Stop it, Ned, you’re killing me! Really!!
Other “gems” from Ned Rice’s predictions:
Elton John’s new husband David Furnish announces that he is pregnant.Massachusetts amends their [sic] state constitution to ban heterosexual marriage.
Rice credits himself as a writer on the late night snore fest “Late Late Night with Craig Ferguson” which explains everything you need to know about why Craig Ferguson’s ratings are in the toilet.
Big Loon
Posted by Clif on 12/27/05 at 12:37 pm Category: Gay Issues, America's Shittiest Website
Eerily obsessed looney tune Stanley Kurtz is posting today at America’s Shittiest Website™ about his new obsessions - polyamory and polygamy. Recently Kurtz got in a high dudgeon when three people in the Netherlands got “married.” (In fact, such a marriage is illegal in the Netherlands; the threesome signed a cohabitation contract and got it notarized, something they also could have done in Alabama. That didn’t of course stop the respected Hoo-hah Institute Fellow from calling it a “triple Dutch wedding.”)
Stanley now is sounding the alarms about an HBO show called “Big Love.” The show deals with a Mormon-ish polygamist who has three wives. But, in the upside-down Alice-in-Wonderland world inhabited by Kurtz the problem with “Big Love” isn’t the polygamy business. The problem is — get this — that it might be an endorsement of gay marriage:
Any chance that Big Love is meant to make a statement on the gay marriage debate? It certainly seems possible. One of Big Love’s lead writers, Will Scheffer, is a playwright.
And, Kurtz continues, Scheffer is also a big old fag who wrote some gay plays. So, kicking any last shreds of his intellectual honesty to the curb, Kurtz, without having seen a single episode of the show, leaps to his breathless conclusion:
Polygamy is being used to legitimate same-sex marriage!
That exclamation point was Kurtz’s idea, not mine. Calling Kurtz a complete idiot, however, is entirely my own idea.
Snowball is Alive!!
Posted by Clif on 12/26/05 at 5:33 pm Category: Gay Issues
You may remember that last year I created a stink because NPR killed off Snowball the Gay Elf from David Sedaris’s Santaland Diaries. I complained that this appeared to be the result of a new conservative tilt at NPR. Ultimately Ira Glass, the original producer of the Santaland Diaries for NPR, and Jeffrey Dvorkin, the NPR ombudsman, weighed in on the matter, apparently because of a large number of emails generated by my post.
Well, Outsiders, we won. Snowball was back on NPR this year, playing his dangerous games, leading on both Santas and elves. So who says bloggers can’t make a difference?
Let’s Play A Game!
Posted by Clif on 12/26/05 at 10:22 am Category: Gay Issues, Wingnuts
For all of you not returning your Christmas presents or looking to see if any iPod nanos have shown up yet at Best Buy, Outside the Tent brings you an exclusive reader participation contest: “Find the Offensive Content!”
To play you’ll have to click over to Agape Press, the site that puts the hate back in agape, and read “Cable Biggies Bringing Homosexual Networks into America’s Homes, or, Another Ridiculous News Flash for Fundies Too Stupid To Figure Out How to Work the Parental Controls on Their Cable Box,” by Allie Martin (pictured on the left) and Jody Brown (who apparently is smarter than Allie and hasn’t posted a stupid picture of herself on the Internet).
At the top of the article, you’ll notice in big, bright red letters the following warning:
CAUTION: The following article contains descriptions that are unsuitable for young readers.
Ooooh. . . unsuitable descriptions! I could hardly wait to read the article, needing a little post Christmas titillation.
Boy, was I in for a surprise. The whole article was just a bunch of quotes from the pudgy shark-baiter, Ed Vitagliano, about how awful homosexuals are and how terrible it will be if some child gets a hold of the remote and sees, gasp, a few homosexuals on TV. There was nothing, absolutely nothing dirty going on in the article that I could find.
So, here’s the contest. Find in the article one or more “descriptions that are unsuitable for young readers.” The person who finds the most unsuitable description will be awarded all the points I’ve won over at World O’Crap’s in s.z.’s “Name That Wingnut” contest, or some other prize I dream up. All decisions of the judge (me) are final. No purchase necessary to enter.
(Oh, and does anyone else think that Allie Martin looks waaaay ga-a-a-y? I don’t know about you but I think Allie makes Paul Lynde look like Bruce Willis.)
Christmas Dog Blogging
Posted by Clif on 12/25/05 at 9:11 am Category: Miscellaneous
This is a blank line.
Bruce Steps in It (Again)
Posted by Clif on 12/24/05 at 2:18 pm Category: Wingnuts, GayPatriot.net
The Gay Patriot Idiot, a/k/a Bruce Carroll, is at it again, repeating stuff he’s cribbed from the wingnutosphere without realizing it’s fake. We’ve caught him at this before.
In a completely ludicrous post urging the White House “to arrest Senator Reid for treason” because — get this — Reid opposed the Patriot Act, Brucie relies on a supposed quote from Abraham Lincoln:
Congressmen who willfully take actions during wartime that damage morale and undermine the military are saboteurs and should be arrested, exiled or hanged.
Although several thousand wingnuts have cited this quotation without attribution, it is completely bogus. Lincoln never said it. According to Lincoln scholar Professor Thomas DiLorenzo the origin of the quotation is an attribution in a Union League pamphlet published in 1863. The thoroughly discredited Union League published a number of forged documents, leading Professor DiLorenzo to conclude that the attribution of this quote to Lincoln is spurious. Wikiquote also lists this quotation as a suspect attribution.
A few moments on Google and Brucie could have discovered all this for himself. But once again he proves himself instead to be the perfect poster child for those that argue that somebody has to be a complete idiot to be both gay and Republican.
Go Ahead, Make My Christmas!
Posted by Clif on 12/24/05 at 9:00 am Category: Wingnuts
John Michael Snyder, who calls himself the “dean” of the gun lobby, sent this charming card out this year to his friends and enemies. Of course, since Santa didn’t get the memo that you are supposed to shoot a suicide bomber in the head, the only result of Santa’s little gunplay here will be to get himself, the Baby Jesus and everybody else blown up.
Besides arming Santa, John Michael Snyder’s other pet project is to get the Vatican to name a patron saint of handgunners. I am so not kidding. Don’t miss the photo gallery.
Three cubes of sugar and an entire apple to Princess Sparkle Pony for finding this.
Worst Movie Review of the Year
Posted by Clif on 12/23/05 at 1:56 pm Category: Wingnuts, Town Hall Watch
Stephen Spielberg’s “Munich” must be good because before it was even released it had the wingnuts in a lather. Consider the frothings of R. Emmett Tyrrell over at Clown Hall.
Emmett (or “Bob” to his few friends) starts out by taking Spielberg to task for “Shark’s Tale” which “Bob” thinks was directed by Spielberg, even though Spielberg’s name is missing entirely from the film’s credits. Bob thinks that “Shark’s Tale” is not very nice to the sharks.
But I digress. What mostly has Bob upset is, well, let’s allow Bob to speak for himself:
The movie begins with a chaos of scenes exploding across the screen and lasting far too long. This is an assault on the senses.
I get the feeling that Emmett doesn’t get out to the movies much. And that the last movie he saw that he really liked was probably “The Song of Bernadette” ( “Are you pert or just stupid?” “I’m stupid, Sister.” ).
But for a guy who seems upset about an “assault” on the senses, you wouldn’t imagine that he would get pissed off at the movie for the wrong size bullet holes and for corpses that don’t fall over, but he does:
I attended the movie with a veteran of law enforcement officer who sneered at howlers committed by Spielberg’s camera. Almost everything was exaggerated. Bullet holes on the lovely body of a beautiful naked actress were far larger than they would be with the caliber guns used to shoot her. The body of a knifed Mossad agent was perfectly and dramatically filmed as sitting upright on a bench, to the snickers of my friend who pointed out that the knife wound would have caused the dead person’s muscles to relax and the corpse to fall over.
Bob is equally annoyed by the lefty camera angles and sound effects:
Aided and abetted by sound effects, it jolts the senses with huge hands or other appendages thrust across the screen, towering men and women filmed from the ground up, from other weird angles, all to convey impressions that are dramatic but very unreal. Colors are brighter than real or darker than real. Sounds shriek, howl, and explode at the viewer.
Huge hands, thrusting appendages, towering men, howls . . . it all sounds like a sex scene from a Bill O’Reilly novel.
Every year Bob presumes to name the winner of the J. Gordon Coogler Award for worst book of the year. I think there should be a new award: the R. ( “Bob” ) Emmett Tyrrell Award for Worst Movie Review of the Year and that it should be awarded this year, of course to old R. ( “Bob” ) Emmett himself.
Another Pantload
Posted by Clif on 12/22/05 at 12:08 pm Category: America's Shittiest Website
Jonah “The Bad Seed of Lucianne” Goldberg couldn’t keep his mouth shut about W’s secret plan to spy on Americans, so naturally he had to say something really stupid:
Indeed, President Bush’s position is largely indistinguishable from the stance taken by the Clinton administration, which held that the president has inherent authority to conduct warrantless searches of even American citizens for foreign intelligence purposes.
Jonah is echoing the talking point of the wingnutosphere about Jamie Gorelick’s testimony in 1994 before the Senate Intelligence Committee on a proposal to add physical search authority to FISA. You can find her testimony here. Not surprisingly, Jonah’s talking point is flat-out wrong.
For starters, Gorelick, although stating that the executive had inherent authority to conduct foreign intelligence searches, affirmed that
the Administration and the Attorney General support, in principle, legislation establishing judicial warrant procedures under the Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Act.
Gorelick specifically reaffirmed the Administration’s “commitment to democratic control of intelligence functions.” So, it’s just not true to say that the Clinton and Bush administration’s position on these matters is “indistinguishable,” because the Clinton administration was not asserting an inherent right to conduct searches in violation of law.
Nor did Gorelick or anyone else in the Clinton administration affirm that this authority extended to American citizens. The amendment to FISA signed by Clinton permitted physical searches for foreign intelligence purposes only if there was a certification that the physical search would not involve “the premises, information, material, or property of a United States person.”
It was careful analysis like this which, no doubt, prompted the L.A. Times to give Jonah his own column there.