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Archive for November 2005
World Wingnut Federation Smackdown!
Posted by Clif on 11/30/05 at 8:13 am
Category: Wingnuts, Radical Clerics
According to this article in the Los Angeles Times, the debate over “à la carte” cable programming is creating a bitter division between the television mullahs, such as Jerry Falwell and Pat Robertson, and the television censors such as Brent Bozell and the Parents Television Council.
On the one hand, the PTC favors giving consumers the right to select and pay for individual channels in the cable line-up. This, they argue, would allow consumers to shield themselves from naughty cable programming.
On the other hand, the television mullahs are worried that few people, if given the chance, would select and pay for their biblical begathons. This would, they fear, significantly cut into the donations that keep Jerry Falwell fat and happy and Pat Robertson in Guccis and Rolexes. Not surprisingly, the mullahs will do anything to keep themselves well fed and well clad even if that means that most cable households will have to continue to pay to listen to Stan, Kenny and Cartman shout “fuck you!” at them every evening.
I don’t know about you, but I got my money on the fat man in this fight.
Lying in a Manger
Posted by Clif on 11/29/05 at 10:14 am Category: Radical Clerics
The porcine pastor Jerry Falwell was rolled onto CNN last night to continue squealing about the supposed “War on Christmas.” In fact, the only war going on is Falwell’s war on the truth:
ZAHN: Now let me ask you this, because your critics would say that in essence what you’re doing here is manufacturing a war against Christmas that doesn’t exist. . . .Barry Lynn from the Americans United for Separation of Church and State, went as far to saying this is quote, “nothing more than a fund raising gimmick for Jerry Falwell.”
FALWELL: Well, Barry Lynn is a former ACLU operative. Everyone knows that, and he calls himself Reverend Lynn. He has no church, has never pastored a church. That’s all for credibility purposes.
Falwell, in sliming his opponent, has clearly spent more time reading the Gospel of Karl Rove rather than the real gospel. Lynn, according to his bio, graduated from the Boston School of Theology and is an ordained minister of the United Church of Christ, something you might never guess from Falwell’s claim that his use of the title “Reverend” is fraudulent and all for “credibility purposes.”
But Falwell’s lying doesn’t stop there:
ZAHN: Let’s go back to the list, Reverend, that you sent us earlier this afternoon. Because those are all examples of lawsuits that were filed previously. And right now, the ACLU has no record of any new suits. And they’re saying once again, this is more — nothing more than a preemptive strike for a problem that doesn’t exist.FALWELL: Here are twelve that have happened the last two weeks, and they’ve happened all over the country. In Westfield High School just outside Boston, two students were suspended for distributing candy canes with the story of Christmas attached. The judge in a 67-page decision ruled in every point in favor of the students. They were reinstated.
Once again, Falwell is lying when he says that the Westfield High School case he cites happened in the “last two weeks.” The decision in Westfield High School L.I.F.E. Club v. City of Westfield that Falwell refers to deals with an incident that occurred in 2000 and the decision that he cites was issued in 2003.
Apparently lying is an acceptable weapon for Christian soldiers to use in the “War on Christmas.”
I’m beginning to believe that the “War on Christmas” has been manufactured by the evangelical mullahs to distract people from the real War on Christianity that the mullahs are fighting. If they can convince people that Christmas is simply about the right to sing “Silent Night” in public schools, then people will forget that Christianity was once about feeding the hungry, clothing the naked, and loving one’s neighbor. It’s then only a short step for the mullahs to convince their flocks that Christianity is really about the eternal struggle against gays, abortion, pre-marital sex, Hollywood Jews, and godless Muslims.
McCain’s True Colors
Posted by Clif on 11/28/05 at 8:44 am Category: Loathsome Republicans
If anybody truly thinks that John McCain is a different kind of Republican, they can now file that away with common misconceptions (perhaps next to the misconception that George Bush is an amiable dunce). Last week John McCain flew down to Alabama to campaign in three cities for George Wallace Jr., who is running for Lieutenant Governor of Alabama. Little George hasn’t fallen far from the tree because he has twice addressed a racist hate group — the Council of Conservative Citizens — most recently having addressed their 2005 convention. The CCC is classified by the Southern Poverty Law Center as a “hate group.”
Wallace was unapologetic about his two appearances before the hate group. According to this article in the Montgomery Advertiser, Wallace had this to say:
He said he does not research every group that invites him to speak and that his speech is always the same, “about public service and our family’s legacy.”
Wallace’s claim that he didn’t research the CCC is, of course, completely disingenuous because anybody living in Alabama knows exactly who they are and what they stand for.
McCain, choosing not to offend racists everywhere, had no comment on why he was supporting someone associated with the racist group.
UPDATE: The good folks at The Progressive linked to this post. They also linked in the same post to über-bloggers Atrios, Shake’s Sis, and Pam’s House Blend, which puts me in more reputable company than I deserve.
The Shoes of the Fisherman
Posted by Clif on 11/26/05 at 12:50 pm Category: Radical Clerics
Really. And I’ll just bet you’ll find a pair of 2(x)ist briefs under his chasuble too. Apparently the new Roman Catholic policy prohibiting gays in the priesthood makes a special exemption for the Pope.
Stamping Out the Truth, Post by Post
Posted by Clif on 11/26/05 at 12:26 pm Category: Wingnuts
Darleen Hick is peddling a pile of horse poop and wingnut law perfesser Ann Althouse can’t get her wallet out fast enough to buy the whole rancid pile and start reselling it on her own blog. According to Darleen, a postal clerk told her momma that there would be no more religious Christmas stamps. (He also told Darleen’s momma the winning numbers for the next Powerball drawing and where Jimmy Hoffa is buried but neither Darleen or her momma, naturally, are sharing that information).
This third-hand hearsay (postal clerk to Darleen’s momma to Darleen to Perfesser Althouse) is good enough for Ann, who I trust doesn’t teach Evidence at her law school, to conclude:
After all these years of having a choice between the religious-themed and the non-religious-theme seasonal stamps, now all must choose the Santas and snowmen. So ends an American tradition that meant a lot to a lot of people.
Of course, no one named Darleen should ever be trusted. And if Ann were smart enough to type this simple google search, she would have seen here and here that another Christmas Madonna stamp will be issued in 2006. But why bother to do any research when you’ve gotten the word from Darleen?
One of Ann’s commenters points out the 2006 Madonna stamp, but even that doesn’t get Ann to admit she’s wrong. Rather, she updates her post by changing the title from “No More Madonna and Child Stamps” to “No More Madonna and Child Stamps?” (In case you missed it, the new title has a question mark at the end.) She then says that her post should be considered an “argument for retaining the stamps . . . whether the policy has been changed or not,” thereby trying to retain a last shred of dignity by falsely claiming that it is an open question as to whether the USPS has changed its policy.
Klu Klux Korner
Posted by Clif on 11/25/05 at 2:30 pm Category: America's Shittiest Website
Just when you might have forgotten the racist origins of National Review, Jonah the Whale waddles into the room and provides a link at America’s Shittiest Website™ to “a database of racial slurs.” The database is a profoundly distasteful compendium that, for example, notes that “beggar” is used to refer to blacks because “black people often want ’something for nothing.’” It goes without saying that not a single one of the other Kornerites said that they found Jonah’s post offensive.
Thanksgiving with Jonah the Whale Sea Otter
Posted by Clif on 11/23/05 at 9:05 am Category: Humor
Those of the largest size,
Holding his pocket-handkerchief
Before his streaming eyes.
There is no doubt that this loathsome image from Jonah Goldberg’s Thanksgiving column at Clown Hall will cause most of my readership to flee in terror, cursing my name, but I simply couldn’t resist:
But since this is Thanksgiving, I thought maybe we could take the discussion in another direction. Thanksgiving, after all, is first and foremost about giving thanks (a close second is the tradition of lying on the couch eating super-nummy turkey sandwiches off your belly like a sea otter munching a crab leg).
Happy Thanksgiving everyone! See you on Friday.
Lying Sack of Schmidt
Posted by Clif on 11/23/05 at 8:14 am Category: Lying Republicans
For the life of me, I can’t figure out why Republicans have such faith in torture because most of them couldn’t tell the truth even if you waterboarded them, sicked police dogs on them and put live battery clips on their rubber parts. At least that’s the only conclusion that can be drawn from the continuing denouement of the saga of the remarks of the Wicked Schmidt of the Midwest about John Murtha.
Schmidt now claims she had no idea, no idea at all, the Murtha had ever been in the military, or at least that’s what she just told the Cincinnati Enquirer:
Schmidt said Tuesday that when she delivered the “cowards cut and run’’ message from Ohio Rep. Danny Bubp, an Adams County Republican who is a Marine Corps Reserve colonel, she did not know that Rep. John Murtha, a Pennsylvania Democrat, was a retired Marine colonel who earned two Purple Hearts and a Bronze Star in Vietnam.Earlier last week, Murtha introduced a resolution in the House calling for the immediate withdrawal of U.S. troops from Iraq.
Murtha’s resolution was the subject of intense national news coverage because of Murtha’s military background and his 34-year history of supporting American troops while in Congress.
But Schmidt said Tuesday she had not seen any of the news coverage.
“I don’t listen to the news in D.C. because it’s not my news environment,’’ said Schmidt, who conducted the interview with The Enquirer with her chief of staff, Barry Bennett, sitting nearby. “I watch something light-hearted and then I go to bed.’’
Because, obviously, they only show local news in D.C. And what’s this about watching something “light-hearted?” To Schmidt that probably means a program showing baby seals being clubbed to death and that they don’t show on television here in D.C.
(Photo credit: Mike Tidmus)
Inflammatory Sowell Syndrome
Posted by Clif on 11/22/05 at 1:09 pm Category: Town Hall Watch
Noted Hoo-hah Institution Fellow Thomas Sowell makes an appearance today at Clown Hall to explain why torture is a good thing and why people should stop making such a fuss about it. All of us making a fuss are, according to Sowell, proving just how uneducaterated we are:
After decades of ignoring the fact that rights and responsibilities go together, it was perhaps inevitable that an under-educated and easily confused generation should include some who do not understand that the rights granted to captured troops by the Geneva Convention apply to those who have accepted the terms of the Geneva Convention. It does not apply to people who are not troops and who have blatantly violated the whole framework of that convention.
Of course, it’s Tom who is “under-educated and easily confused” here. If the Geneva convention doesn’t apply, the UN Convention against Torture, to which the U.S. is a signatory, will apply. Tom could have easily found the UN Convention on Torture if he just googled “torture,” but that would have meant Sowell would have actually had to do some research for a column.
Circling the Wagons
Posted by Clif on 11/21/05 at 9:34 am Category: Lying Republicans
After Jean Schmidt (R - Ohio) called John Murtha a coward on the House floor, some of the more extreme right-wingers in the House rushed to her defense. Leading the charge, with a king-sized whopper was Jack Kingston (R - Ga) who cooked up this facially ludicrous defense of Schmidt:
The poor lady didn’t know Jack Murtha was a Marine - she really just ran into a hornet’s nest.
David Dreier (R - Cal.), er, brought up the rear with the same fiction:
Very clearly, she did not know that Jack Murtha was a Marine.
Which is, of course, very clearly false. Neither Congressman adequately explains why Schmidt, if she didn’t know that Murtha was a Marine, explicitly referred to “Marines” (and no other branch of service) when she hurled her insult at Murtha. Of course, she knew exactly what she was doing and Dreier and Kingston are now just lying about it.