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Archive for April 2005
Another Panel I’m Glad I Missed
Posted by Clif on 04/30/05 at 12:10 pm
Category: America's Shittiest WebsiteCliff May further cements his reputation as a complete idiot in this post at America’s Shittiest WebsiteTM:
BTW, this morning I was on a Heritage Foundation panel here about blogging and new media (with Paul Mirengoff of Powerline, Tom Bezan of Real Clear Politics and Nick Schultz of TCS). Talked a lot about The Corner. Afterwards, loads of people came up to me asking how they can get their issues – or themselves – on the Corner. Also, one guy said: “Can I ask how I can get my own blog at no cost?” I said I didn’t know. He said: “Can I call you later, when you find out?”
This is just priceless. The mouthbreathers at the Heritage Foundation put Cliff May on a panel about blogging and the total f**ktard has never even heard of Blogger.
Empty Promises
Posted by Clif on 04/29/05 at 8:32 am Category: Loathsome Republicans
Bill Frist’s “compromise” on the Bush Seven includes a promise that no judicial nominees will be blocked in the Senate Judiciary Committee. Wow, that’s quite a sacrifice since the Republicans currently control the Judiciary Committee and have reported each and every one of Bush’s nominees out of committee. This is rather like offering that Tom Delay and John Cornyn won’t get married to each other, but, if they do, no kissing will be involved.
And of course this is offered after the Republicans on the Judiciary Committee used various procedural tactics to hole up 65 of Clinton’s judicial nominees in the Judiciary Committee, preventing each and every one of them from making it to the floor for an “up or down” or any other kind of vote. We might be able to call Frist’s offcer a “compromise” if we made it retroactive and put the Clinton 65 on the bench.
Not surprisingly, K-Lo over at America’s Shittiest WebsiteTM likes the “compromise” so much that she reprints the complete text of Frist’s offer. That’s probably because K-Lo’s idea of a diet “compromise” is eating the whole double chocolate cheesecake instead of just one slice.
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That Explains It
Posted by Clif on 04/28/05 at 11:24 pm Category: White HouseHere is the most revealing thing said by Bush during this evening’s press conference:
It’s in our country’s interests to find those who would do harm to us and get them out of harm’s way.
Which is why Osama Bin Laden is sitting in a villa outside Islamabad, getting regular dialysis treatments, taking in a movie now and then, and making videotapes to send to Al-Jazeera.
What Was Delay Smoking?
Posted by Clif on 04/28/05 at 8:48 am Category: Delay, Loathsome Republicans
Lookee at what Tom Delay is smoking. A Hoyo de Monterey Double Corona. Made in Havana.
Here is what Tom had to say last year on trade with Cuba:
Every dime that finds its way into Cuba first finds its way into Fidel Castro’s blood-thirsty hands…. American consumers will get their fine cigars and their cheap sugar, but at the cost of our national honor.
And this in 2002:
Any economic activity between the United States and Cuba will only supply additional fuel to Castro’s engine of repression. The proceeds of joint ventures and tourism don’t empower the men and women of Cuba. They are bled into the Castro regime. Castro is funneling resources to develop the world’s most diabolical weapons. And he shares these evil exports with the world’s most dangerous and unstable regimes.We know that Castro systematically brutalizes and oppresses the Cuban people. He drags his people through hardship, servitude, and despair. And without a clear break from terrorist sponsorship and the adoption of fundamental economic, political, and human rights reforms, the embargo must be upheld.
Except, of course, when the Majority Leader has an urge to suck on a fat Cuban.
Bilking Rick Strikes Again!
Posted by Clif on 04/27/05 at 1:44 pm Category: Lying Republicans, Santorum
There’s an interesting development regarding Tricky Rick Santorum’s house in Pennsylvania. Santorum claimed that he, his wife, and their litter of six little Santora lived in a two-bedroom house in Penn Hills, Pennsylvania at the same time they were renting it out to two other people. They made this preposterous claim in order to get Penn Hill’s school district to pay for a cyberschool that was teaching the little Santora that evolution is an atheistic myth.
Well, some groups in Pennsylvania are now looking into whether Santorum falsely claimed a Homestead Exemption on that same house to reduce his county property tax liability. According to Allegheny County tax records, Tricky Rick has claimed the house as a homestead and has taken the exemption, something that can only be done for a primary residence.
In classic Republican form, Chrissy Shot, Santorum’s spokesperson, had this to say about Santorum’s homestead exemption for the house:
His primary residence is on Stephens Lane in Penn Hills. This is another political attack against Sen. Santorum.
If an old woman and her children could live in a shoe, Shot continued, there was no reason a Senator and his wife, six children, two tenants and, yes, a dog couldn’t live in a tiny two-bedroom bungalow 400 miles away from the Senator’s office.
W-conomics
Posted by Clif on 04/27/05 at 12:37 am Category: White House
Our Glorious Leader demonstrated his profound knowledge of the economics of gasoline prices in an impromptu press conference he gave just before he took his romantic little walk with the Crown Prince of Saudi Arabia:
Q: Sir, do you think gas prices can be any lower than it is today?THE PRESIDENT: That depends on the supply and demand. One thing is for certain: The price of crude is driving the price of gasoline.
I suppose Bush engaged in this little recitation of the absurdly obvious to avoid the real answer to the question which was “Yes, gas prices could be lower if I stood up to Saudi Arabia, something which I have no intention of doing.”
Another Reason to Boot Pickering
Posted by Clif on 04/25/05 at 11:30 pm Category: Politics
One of the best reasons Charles Pickering never should have been appointed to the Fifth Circuit, other than his segregationist past, is that he’s not terribly bright. During this weekend’s evangelical whine-fest on judicial appointments, Pickering responded to church-state separation concerns this way:
Pickering scoffed at those who are worried about the separation of church and state crumbling, saying nobody complained when revolutionary hero Paul Revere got a message relayed from lamps hung in a church steeple: “One if by land, two if by sea.”
Huh? That is perhaps the most idiotic comment ever made about the separation of church and state by anyone anytime anywhere. The lanterns in North Church weren’t a religious message. One light didn’t mean “stem cell research is evil” and two lights didn’t mean “stem cell research is fine.” If Pickering can’t figure this out, then he’s simply too stupid to be a judge, either on a district court or the Fifth Circuit.
Scottie Lies (Again)
Posted by Clif on 04/24/05 at 1:00 pm Category: White House
It is, of course, shocking to learn that Scott McClellan actually lied last week during his April 20 press briefing:
John Bolton is exactly the kind of person we need at the United Nations. . . . He has a proven record of getting things done. . . . He is someone who was very involved in our efforts to get Libya to abandon their weapons of mass destruction programs. And he is someone who has a long record of results in getting things done.
In fact, according to this article in Newsweek, the only reason that the Libya deal was done was by telling Bolton to stay home:
On several occasions, America’s closest ally in the war on terror, Britain, was irked by what U.S. and British sources say were efforts by Bolton to undermine promising diplomatic openings. Perhaps the most dramatic instance took place early in the U.S.-British talks in 2003 to force Libya to surrender its nuclear program, NEWSWEEK has learned. The Libya deal succeeded only after British officials “at the highest level” persuaded the White House to keep Bolton off the negotiating team…The White House agreed to keep Bolton “out of the loop,” as one source puts it.
Apparently the Brits had a well-founded concern that Bolton might start throwing stuff at Qaddafi and calling him fat fag.
You Feel Safer Now?
Posted by Clif on 04/24/05 at 10:18 am Category: Humor
Ever since a band of Syrian musicians on a transcontinental flight scared the shit outta Annie Jacobsen, the TSA has gotten tough. No chances are to be taken. So when two SeaWorld penguins were travelling through the Denver Airport on their way back to San Diego, they were required to remove their shoes, put their cellphones in the little plastic tray, and walk through the metal screener.
A good thing too, since Penny (the one on the left) was fed up with the heat in San Diego and had been planning on hijacking the aircraft to Anarctica until they found and confiscated her fingernail clippers.
Mendacious Mitch
Posted by Clif on 04/23/05 at 3:31 pm Category: Lying Republicans
Tomorrow, a Baptist church in Kentucky is sponsoring a church “service” to promote the ludicrous notion that Democrats are threatening to filibuster certain of Bush’s judicial nominees because the nominees are Christians. The Kentucky Post reports that Mitch McConnell (R. - Ky.) has taken this as an opportunity to tell yet another Republican lie:
Calling it an attempt to exploit religion for political purposes, Democrats and liberal groups have denounced the telecast. . . .Sen. Mitch McConnell said he didn’t remember much concern when Sen. John Kerry campaigned in churches during the 2004 presidential election.
“This strikes me as an obvious double standard,” he said
That strikes me as an obvious pile of hooey. As I noted back during the campaign, Bush criticized Kerry for using scripture for a political purpose after Kerry quoted the New Testament during a church campaign appearance. When Kerry took communion in a non-Catholic church, the Bush campaign was all over that too, calling Kerry a bad Catholic. And it appears that the IRS is now seeking to use Kerry’s church visits during the campaign as a reason to lift tax exemptions of some of the churches where he appeared, including, for example, the exemption of Friendship Missionary Baptist Church, a predominantly African-American church in Florida.
Right, Mitch. . . . No one has said squat about Kerry’s church appearances. The only thing worse than a wanker is a lying wanker.
Potpourri from Peggy
Posted by Clif on 04/22/05 at 9:06 am Category: Wankers
Not surprisingly, the election of the arch-conservative Benedict XVI has St. Peggy of the Dolphins all a-twitter, rather like a pre-teen girl at a Justin Timberlake concert. Peggy is in a swoon about all those Italians running to the Vatican after the puff of smoke. With a flourish of an imaginative purple pen, Peggy wonders: “But why did so many weep as the new pope came out?” (I have an idea but I think it may not be the same one that Peggy has.)
Not just Italians, according to Peggy, got wrapped up in this mass hysteria. Americans too. Particularly the non-Catholic ones:
Why were so many non-Catholics similarly moved? And why in America, where the church is torn in divisions, did people run to the TV and the radio when word spread?
Where the f#^k was Peggy? In the offices of Opus Dei? Because I didn’t see people in my office rushing to the TVs. And, you might wonder why non-Catholics would be so excited about the election of a man who has basically said that they are on a one-way street leading staight to Hell.
No Peggy column would be complete without Peggy donning her Carnac the Magnificent turban and doing a little mind-reading:
Because the world watched the funeral, they noticed the man who celebrated the mass and gave the eulogy. It was beautiful and poetic and people–cardinals–who watched and listened to the speaker thought: Yes, that’s true. And the man who was speaking, who even 10 years ago was considered too old and controversial for the job, was suddenly seen by his fellow cardinals, one after the other, as the future pope.It was impossible. But it happened. No one was really considering Cardinal Ratzinger until that mass.
Peggy knows exactly what the cardinals were thinking (except she didn’t zero in on the dozen or so who were thinking about the hot seminarian they had just glimpsed). In her next column, be prepared to hear details about just what went on in the conclave.
Oh, and just so as to not disappoint, Peggy affirms that in “this age of miracles” we’ve had “sightings of Mary,” presumably an endorsement that a “stain from last winter’s snow and road salt” in a Chicago underpass is, in fact, a miraculous visitation from the Virgin Mary. The only miracle I see is that any newspaper allows Peggy to stain their pages with more ink. . . .