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Archive for February 2005
Another Child Left Behind
Posted by Clif on 02/28/05 at 10:26 pm
Category: White House
The scumbags at the misnamed Progress for America, the Rove-connected group responsible for most of the anti-Kerry ads during the 2004 campaign, issued a press release today naming junior wingnut, 9-year-old Noah McCullough, as the spokeskiddie for their campaign to destroy Social Security. We previously mentioned that Noah had also been enlisted for the White House’s Twenty State Scare the Shit Outta People About Social Security Concert Tour.
Poor little Noah. As a tool of the right wing, they’re teaching him to tell whoppers at an early age. Like this little gem from Noah quoted in the Regress for America press release:
A lot of Americans didn’t support President Roosevelt’s effort to create Social Security at first. Now it will take a while for everyone to be fully educated about what President Bush wants to do to strengthen it.
Of course we don’t know what Master Noah means by “a lot” of Americans, but Roosevelt’s Economic Security Bill of 1935, which established Social Security, sailed through both the House and the Senate with minimal opposition, passing 372 to 33 in the House and 77 to 6 in the Senate. If Noah has his American history this screwed up, his parents need to pull him out of politics and make him do his homework.
On the other hand, maybe not. Screw little Noah. The recruitment of a nine-year old by a bunch of political pedophiles is just further proof that they don’t have any real people to step up to the plate to support their proposals.
Michelle Gets Lost in the Memory Hole
Posted by Clif on 02/28/05 at 8:24 am Category: Wingnuts
Serial liar Michelle Malkin is on the loose again. Over at her blog she’s recycling the canard that MoveOn.Org “compared President Bush to Hitler.”
That is, of course, a lie. Moreover, proving that her faithful readers are too stupid to stop breathing through their mouths and actually click through a link, the “Memory Hole” link that Michelle offered up to prove her bogus assertion actually demonstrates the complete opposite of Michelle’s claim.
As you probably remember, the ads were submitted to MoveOn as part of a competition, all of which were posted on the MoveOn site. The ads were never endorsed by MoveOn and were pulled from the site. Michelle’s link makes that clear and goes even further:
Over 1,500 ads were submitted. Out of them, two compared Bush to Hitler. After years of talking about “feminazis” and “Hitlery” Clinton, the right wing suddenly felt that Third Reich references were absolutely indefensible. Republicans expressed new-found outrage, and the corporate media dutifully tsk-tsked. MoveOn pulled the ads from their contest Website.
I think it’s time for Michelle (and her readers) to sign up for a remedial course in blogging and the “Internets.”
UPDATE: After reading this post, Michelle admitted she was wrong and corrected her post. So I retract my assertion that she was lying. It appears she simply made a mistake.
Mickey Mouse Is Smoking Meth
Posted by Clif on 02/27/05 at 4:05 pm Category: Wankersickey Mouse executives at ABC got upset and cut from the Oscars a song that Robin Williams wanted to sing lampooning Rev. JimBob SpongeDobson:
Fred Flintstone is dyslexic,
Jessica Rabbit is really a man,
Olive Oyl is really anorexic,
and Casper is in the Ku Klux Klan!
ABC execs were also troubled that a line that said that “Road Runner is on speed” glorifies drug use.
Sometimes I feel like I’ve fallen through the looking glass. We’ve got gay prostitutes in the White House Press Corps, a church-going Boy Scout troop leader in Kansas turns out to be a serial killer, and these wankers are worried about what’s in the Road Runner’s medicine cabinet.
She Should Eat More and Lie Less
Posted by Clif on 02/26/05 at 11:15 pm Category: Wingnuts
Ann Coulter is a lying sack of shit:
Democrats in Congress actually demanded that an independent prosecutor investigate how Gannon got into White House press conferences while writing under an invented name. How did Gary Hartpence, Billy Blythe and John Kohn (Gary Hart, Bill Clinton and John Kerry) run for president under invented names? Admittedly, these men were not reporters for the prestigious “Talon News” service; they were merely Democrats running for president.
John Kerry didn’t change his name to Kohn; his grandfather Fritz Cohn legally changed his name to Fred Kerry in 1897. Bill Clinton legally changed his last name from Blythe to Clinton, which was the last name of his stepfather and half brother. Gary Hart legally changed his name from Hartpence when his parents changed their name from Hartpence to Hart in the late 1950s. JimJeff GuckertGannon didn’t have a legal name change; he just made it up.
The problem with Ann is that there is no shortage of morons, like this one, who apparently are too stupid to figure out how to use Google and who just swallow this crap uncritically.
He’s Baaaaaack
Posted by Clif on 02/26/05 at 2:02 pm Category: White House
The White House’s Scare the Shit Outta People About Social Security Twenty-State Concert Tour must not be going well, since the White House has decided to shore it up with a nine-year old from Texas. Yes, you read that correctly: a nine-year old.
When his elementary school goes on spring break, a junior wanker named Noah McCullough, fresh from his third-grade units on Macroeconomics and Actuarial Tables, will impart his vast economic expertise to the Social Security debate and join the Bush tour. Noah’s already given a preview of his act to the New York Times:
Noah plans to run for the White House in 2032 - and he wants Social Security addressed before then.“It will be bankrupt when I’m president,” he said.
Actually I agree with that statement because Noah will be President when pigs fly.
Mustang Bobby at BarkBarkWoofWoof is on this too.
Alabama Values
Posted by Clif on 02/26/05 at 11:32 am Category: Red States
T
he Alabama Legislature has been busy lately:
As a result, in Alabama gays can’t marry but they can duel. Parents can’t drink Conecuh Ridge whiskey in Alabama but they can lock their children in the Chevy on a 90-degree day in July. You know, if Alabama wants to revisit the secession business, I really wouldn’t have a problem with that.
The Best of All Possible Worlds
Posted by Clif on 02/25/05 at 8:55 pm Category: White Houseuring the Bush-Putin press conference, Bush tried to contrast the U.S. with Russia by claiming that the U.S. is, of course, the best of all possible worlds. Dan Froomkin, in his daily must-read at the WaPo, threw cold water on Bush’s Panglossian exercise. Quotes from W; links from Froomkin:
“I live in a transparent country.
• Cadre grows to rein in message; Ranks of federal public affairs officials have swelled under Bush to help tighten control on communiques to media, access to information, Newsday, Feb. 24, 2005; Administration Paid Commentator; Education Dept. Used Williams to Promote ‘No Child’ Law, Washington Post, Jan. 8, 2005; Groups raise concerns about increased classification of documents, GOVEXEC.com, Oct. 27, 2004.
“I live in a country where decisions made by government are wide open and people are able to call people to — me to account, which many out here do on a regular basis. • High Court Backs Vice President; Energy Documents Shielded for Now, Washington Post, June 25, 2004; Mr. President, will you answer the question?, NiemanWathchdog.org, Dec. 3, 2004; Bush Says Election Ratified Iraq Policy, Washington Post, Jan. 16, 2005 (in which Bush says: “We had an accountability moment, and that’s called the 2004 elections.”)
“Our laws and the reasons why we have laws on the books are perfectly explained to people. Every decision we have made is within the Constitution of the United States. We have a constitution that we uphold.
• How U.S. rewrote terror law in secrecy; White House group devised new system in aftermath of 9/11, New York Times, Oct. 24, 2004; In Cheney’s Shadow, Counsel Pushes the Conservative Cause, Washington Post, Oct. 11, 2004; Slim Legal Grounds for Torture Memos; Most Scholars Reject Broad View of Executive’s Power, Washington Post, July 4, 2004.
“And if there’s a question as to whether or not a law meets that constitution, we have an independent court system through which that law is reviewed.
• Recount 2000: Decision Sharpens the Justices’ Divisions; Dissenters See Harm to Voting Rights and the Court’s Own Legitimacy, Washington Post, Dec. 13, 2000; Scalia Won’t Sit Out Case On Cheney; Justice’s Memo Details Hunting Trip With VP, Washington Post, March 19, 2004.
“So I’m perfectly comfortable in telling you our country is one that safeguards human rights and human dignity, and we resolve our disputes in a peaceful way.”
• Torture at Abu Ghraib, the New Yorker, May 10, 2004; Ground War Starts, Airstrikes Continue As U.S. Keeps Focus on Iraq’s Leaders, Washington Post, March 21, 2003.
Sainte Peggy, La Fausse Bloggette
Posted by Clif on 02/24/05 at 8:32 pm Category: Wingnuts
St. Peggy of the Dolphins, having heard that bloggers like InstaHayseed and PowerLie are cool (uh-huh, whatever), pretends to have a blog today — well, a wingnut blog at least, with links and everything. And like all right-wing blogs Peggy lards it with hooey. And proof that she has no clue how to type Google into her browser.
Let’s start here:
This week, an homage de blog. Or would that be homage du blog?
Poor Peggy. Trying to speak French and making such a hash of it. For starters, Peggers, it’s hommage in French. “Homage” is the English spelling. And it’s hommage au blog. De (or du) would be “from” the blog, not “to” the blog which I suppose what Peggy means. There are, of course, French dictionaries that Peggy, the faux-blogger (or would that be fausse-bloggette?), could have found on line if she’d put down her martini and spent a moment or two with Google.
Having mangled French, St. Peggy dashes off to mangle Hillary. Why, of course, have a pretend wingnut blog without an attack on the She Devil from New York?
Ten days ago a reporter interviewed her in the halls of the Senate (another kind of cloister) and asked if she planned to run for president. She did not say, “I’m too busy serving the people of New York to think about the future.” She did not say, “Oh, I already have a heckuva lot on my plate.” She said, “I have more than I can say grace over right now.”What a wonderfully premeditated ad lib for the Age of Red State Dominance. I suggested a few weeks ago that Mrs. Clinton was about to get very, very religious. But her words came across as pious and smarmy, like Tammy Faye with a law degree. Maybe she still thinks in stereotypes; maybe she thinks that’s what little Christian ladies talk like while they stay home baking cookies. Whatever, it was almost as good as her saying, “I’m running, is this not obvious to even the slowest of you?”
Actually “more than I can say grace over” is not particularly religious. It’s just Southern. Bill said it alot, as Peggy might have figured out if she could bring herself to visit Google. You can see Bill saying that here, here, here and here. I could go on with more examples which Peggy could have found if she’d stopped drinking for a sec and did this Google search.
Of course, having whacked the evil Hillary, Peggy figures she should say something nice about Condi, the anti-Hillary:
The new secretary of state has been doing something both different in public and, I suspect, not without meaning. When she meets with the leader of another country and poses for the handshake photo-op she never looks at the leader. She always looks at the journalists witnessing the event instead. She gives them her warmest, most connected smiles.Then, when the picture taking is over, she turns to the foreign leader with a more neutral look, makes eye contact and chats. I don’t think this is an accident. I suspect it is the administration’s way of finally fighting back against 50 years of embarrassing and compromising pictures of American leaders meeting with leaders.
Peggy’s point probably only makes sense after half a bottle of percocet, but there’s really no need to try to make any sense of this nonsense because a quick little trip to Yahoo! news photos proves that Peggy is (quelle surprise, or would that be quel dommage?) flat-out wrong, as you can see here, here and here.
Having had a pretend blog for about 500 words, Peggy now figures that she’s fully in the position to nominate a Patron Saint of the Internet. St. Peggy gives a tip-o’-the-beretta to St. Joseph Cupertino, best known for being stupid but able to levitate while praying. Peggy says “float” and “fly” because “levitate” sounds too much like “The Holy Appearance of The Blessed Virgin In The Grilled Cheese Sandwich” whereas floating and flying are, of course, what happens after a few martinis:
Why is St. Joseph Cupertino the obvious patron saint of the Internet? Because he flew through the air, lifted by truth. Because no establishment could keep him down. Because he empowered common people. Because they in fact saw his power before the elites of the time did.
Poor deluded Peggy. Bless her heart. There she is writing on the Op-Ed pages of the “Old Elite White Guys with Weekend Summer Places in the Hamptons and Offices on” Wall Street Journal and imagining herself the champion of the “common people” and the enemy of the “elite.” St. Peggy hasn’t really been right since Ronnie died.
Jonah Roots for the Terrorists
Posted by Clif on 02/23/05 at 9:59 pm Category: America's Shittiest Websiteonah the Whale takes note at America’s Shittiest WebsiteTM of this news story:
BAGHDAD, Iraq Feb 23, 2005 — Iraqi state television aired a video Wednesday showing what the U.S.-funded channel said was the confession of a captured Syrian officer who said he trained Iraqi insurgents to behead people and build car bombs to attack American and Iraqi troops.The video also showed an Iraqi who said the insurgents practiced beheading animals to train for decapitating hostages.
And what does Jonah have to say about this?
I really, really hope it pans out as authentic.
Jonah, the worthless dimwit apparently “really, really” hopes that Iraqi insurgents are being trained to behead American troops
Why do we liberals get the rap for hating America, the troops, the flag, God, the Bible, the saints in the Republican party, warm TollHouse cookies with cool milk and everything else quintessentially American when here we have this fat right-wing warmongering chickenhawk opining from the safety of his Manhattan office that he “really, really” hopes that Syrians are being trained to behead American troops?
After a few emails, Jonah figures that he has made a boo-boo, updates his post and just digs himself deeper in:
Contrary to some tendentious email, let me be clear what I meant. I hope that this story doesn’t turn out to be fake in the sense that I would hate for America’s credibility on Syria’s threat to be undermined.
Jonah still hopes that there are insurgents in Syria being trained to behead American troops but only because otherwise the White House would be wrong about Syria. In other words, better a few missing heads than that Bush be wrong. What a (doughboy) pantload of hooey. Anybody with a shred of decency would hope, for the sake of the troops, that the report was wrong. Period. Tell me how this is any different from Ward Churchill’s loathsome statements that the victims of 9/11 deserved it. Or Jordan Eason saying the troops targeted reporters. Don’t we deserve Jonah’s head (or at least his job) on a stick?
Ah, Perfidy!
Posted by Clif on 02/23/05 at 3:05 pm Category: Loathsome Republicans
inda “She Was A Houseguest Not a Housekeeper” Chavez spews hyperbole all over her column at “Clown Hall.” She is just beside herself about “Washington’s most ruthless confidante” — a “putative friend” who “taped away furtively” “sometimes lengthy phone conversations” with an unsuspecting caller. She labels this “perfidy.” Chavez, herself no stranger to soul-selling, muses “what does it profit a man if he gains the whole world but loses his soul?”
You must be shocked, shocked to see Linda Chavez write so harshly about Linda Tripp. But you needn’t worry. Linda, of course, is ranting about the Doug Wead tapes of George Bush. When she happened to have the opportunity to mention Linda Tripp’s furtive taping of lengthy phone conversations to embarrass a President, as she did here in 1998, she did so in passing, as if it were routine behavior among folks and not at all tinged with “perfidy.” But that President was a Democrat, so, of course, the same rules don’t apply.
Open Season in Tennessee
Posted by Clif on 02/23/05 at 9:50 am Category: Gay Issues
t’s the peak of open hunting season on homosexuals in the Red States and Tennessee, not wanting to be left behind as it is in so many other things, has jumped into the fray with proposed legislation targeting gay adoption. The poster child for the state’s legislative efforts is State Representative Diane Black (R-Gallatin). According to the Knoxville News (registration required):
Black said the bill has inspired multiple contacts from people, including homosexual constituents opposed to the measure. They have not dissuaded her, Black said, and on occasion have reinforced her belief the legislation is needed.“They have made my point for me by saying they would not choose to be homosexual themselves and yet they want to put a child in that environment,” Black said.
Of course, a number of Black’s constituents would prefer not to be overweight, unskilled and residents of trailer parks but they aren’t being added to Representative Black’s bill (probably because if she did that there would be few people left in Tennessee to adopt the 9,000 children waiting for adoption in the state).
Black said she wanted more time to prepare information for presentation to the committee, saying that studies on adoptions by homosexuals are being misrepresented by critics of the legislation. In general, the critics say studies indicate little difference in the wellbeing of children raised by homosexual parents.
Black hasn’t figured out what’s wrong with these studies yet, other than that she doesn’t like the results. I’m sure we’ll hear from her that the flaw in the studies is that they were conducted by liberal atheists.
Fun fact about Tennessee: more people in Tennessee use painkillers than any other state, which, I suppose, isn’t all that surprising. People like Diane Black would certainly drive me into the arms of Oxycontin pretty quickly.
Most Regressive House Members
Posted by Clif on 02/22/05 at 10:21 pm Category: Loathsome Republicans
n an effort to upstage the annual 2004 Loathie Awards given right here at Outside The Tent, the National Journal has just announced the Three Most Conservative House Members for 2004. One of the winners of this dubious award was Jack Kingston. (We’ll talk about the others in subsequent posts).
You may not know Jack Kingston, who is probably best known for calling Kerry “Ted Kennedy on a South Beach Diet.” So here are a few highlights from Kingston’s dubious tenure on the Hill.
According to this report, Kingston invited extreme right-winger Reverend George Dillard III to give the opening prayer before a session of the House in 2003. Notwithstanding House rules that these prayers are to be “free from personal political view,” the good Reverend couldn’t resist a little gay-bashing, asking God to bring leaders who understood that homosexuality is “immorality and not an alternative lifestyle.” When Dillard’s “prayer” created a flap, Kingston tried to lie and say he hadn’t invited Dillard, even though the House chaplain’s office (which, of course, is a den of liars) said that he did.
During hearings in 1997 on Asian American campaign contributions to Democrats, Kingston made racist comments about Asian Americans by referring to the illegal contributions as “only the tip of the egg roll.” Kingston’s communications director made matters worse by saying that the remark was: “strictly humorous, as Jack often makes humorous remarks. This was not done at Asian Americans’ expense.” No, it was done at Italian Americans’ expense because he meant to say it was the just the tip of the tortellini.
Recently Kingston has introduced in the House the “Academic Bill of Rights” which he cribbed from David Horowitz. That legislation, best described as affirmative action for white male conservatives, probably the most oppressed minority on the face of the planet, was justified by Kingston because “most students probably graduate without ever having a class taught by a professor with a conservative viewpoint.” All those damned liberals teaching math, chemistry and foreign languages have got to be stopped!
Finally, Kingston has recently been on a tear to hold up funds for the dilapidated sewer system in Atlanta because the mayor of Atlanta endorsed a Democratic House candidate who was not even running against Kingston. Kingston, of course, is too stupid to realize that the sewage will run south into his own Savannah district.
Powerlie Blog
Posted by Clif on 02/21/05 at 12:31 pm Category: Wingnutsohn “Hineyrocket” Hindraker, who spews forth regularly on Powerline, is in such a lather about GannonGate that you almost have to suppose that Hineyrocket has more than a completely dispassionate interest in what happens to JimJeff. And like most wingnuts, when Hinkeyrocket gets in a lather, well he just can’t stop lying:
Subsequently, a low-life named John Aravosis who is a gay activist and has a web site, found nude photos of Gannon and posted them online.
To read Hineyrocket’s account you’d think that Aravosis went scrounging through JimJeff’s garbage, found a few saucy photos of JimJeff, and then revealed them to the world for the first time on his own blog. But that’s not what happened. JimJeff, not Aravosis, posted them on the Internet his very own self and Aravosis just linked to what JimJeff had posted.
Of course Hineyrocket’s concern about the sanctity of what one does in one’s own bedroom extends only as far as wingnut colleagues like JimJeff. Both Hineyrocket and his other Powerline contributor Little Trunk almost killed themselves from over-exertion doing the happy dance when they thought Kerry had been caught in an extramarital affair. See them dancing around and screaming gleefully about the Kerry “bimbo eruption” here, here and here.