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Archive for September 2004
Si Senor, Si Senor Lie
Posted by on 09/30/04 at 9:54 am
Category: Politics
an Senor, former spokesman for former Viceroy of Iraq, Paul Bremer, and current spokesman for the Bush campaign, swore on a stack of Korans that he did not write Prime Minister Allawi’s speech. Now it turns out that he sent “recommended phrases” to Allawi, all of which Allawi thought were so wonderful that he stitched them together to make a speech. Imagine that! Senor is an old hand at floating whoppers to the press corps, having previously claimed that the U.S. had nothing, nothing I tell you, to do with the raid of the Baghdad home of former Bush darling Ahmed Chalabi.
In related news, Scott McClellan swore up and down to the press corps that the $12 billion in reconstruction aid to Iraq Florida was not politically motivated. Most of it, Scott explained, was going to provide relief to damaged zoos in Florida and everyone knows that animals, even in Florida, can’t vote.
UPDATE: Under increasing criticism for Senor’s role in Allawi’s speech, the Bush campaign has this to say about Senor: “Dan who???”
Pay No Attention to the Man in the Cave
Posted by on 09/29/04 at 12:29 pm Category: Politics
aren Hughes had this to say yesterday about Osama Bin Forgotten:
Well, Osama bin Laden has been largely marginalized. He is, we believe, somewhere in Afghanistan, and our troops are looking for him.We have 10,000 American troops on the hunt for him. It’s a very rugged, mountainous terrain there. I’ve been there. I’ve seen it. There are caves.
Oh my goodness, don’t tell me that there are caves there. No, really? Well that explains it. Here I thought putting all our forces in Iraq was making it difficult to find Osama when, in reality, the problem was, all along, caves. Gosh. And don’t forget they have those pesky donkeys and camels that let them sneak between caves undetected.
Not to worry, as Karen went on to say:
But three-quarters of al Qaeda’s operatives, including some of the leaders of those who planned the attacks of September 11 have been either captured or brought to justice.
Where on earth did that number come from? I suppose they looked on the official Al Qaeda web site which conveniently lists the number of Al-Qaeda operatives world-wide. (Click on “personnel” in the side bar menu).
Actually this is how they came up with three quarters. They made it up. Karl Rove thought one-half sounded too low and Dick Cheney thought that four-fifths sounded too high, so they agreed to agree on three-quarters.
Yeah, I feel safer now, don’t you?
Why People Make Fun of Hoosiers
Posted by Clif on 09/28/04 at 12:01 pm Category: Politics
Former furniture salesman and current wingnut House member, Mark Souder, from Fort Wayne, Indiana, is worried that there aren’t enough handguns and assault weapons on the streets of DC. So he has introduced a bill to repeal the District’s ban on handguns and semiautomatic weapons. For good measure, his bill would also eliminate criminal penalties for having an unregistered gun in the District. Worse yet, Souder’s Orwellian-named District of Columbia Personal Protection Act is expected to pass the House this week.
Souder doesn’t live in the District, but he has a long history of getting lathered up about goings-on outside his district. Souder returned from a memorable junket to Amsterdam in 2001 where he found “free pot and free prostitution and gambling and porn videos all over the place.” (Query: if prostitution is free is it really prostitution? And when is the next plane to Amsterdam?)
Unable to impose his ideas on the Dutch, the representative from land-locked Indiana then turned his attention to lighthouses in North Carolina. He has also fallen for, and spread, the debunked rumor that the Chinese cannibalize aborted fetuses. Now he has turned his unwanted attentions to my hometown.
Defending his assault on home rule in the District, Souder burped up this pearl of wisdom: “The fact is, we didn’t allow the District to have home rule on the selling of slaves, either.” Apparently this moron hasn’t figured out that home rule for the District was passed in 1973, 91 years after slaves were emancipated in the District.
Send some money to Souder’s opponent Maria Parra so that Souder can go back to selling sofas in Fort Wayne and stop selling garbage in my backyard.
I Thought Only Girls Were Bad with Numbers . . .
Posted by on 09/27/04 at 1:13 pm Category: Politics. . but, almost every time (a)W(ol) cites a number, it’s wrong.
Bush on number of pages in the tax code: 1 million.
Actual number of pages in the tax code: 17,000.
Bush on number of small businesses in the top two tax brackets: 900,000.
Actual number: 200,000.
Bush on number of “fully trained” Iraqi forces: “nearly” 100,000.
Actual number: 22,700.
Bush on number of voters registered in Afghanistan: 10 million.
Actual number: unknown (but there are only 9.8 million eligible voters in Afghanistan and there has been evidence of widespread multiple registrations).
Bush on number of mistakes he has made as President: 0.
Actual number: 100, and counting.
Silly Wingnut (Sunday Edition)
Posted by on 09/26/04 at 9:15 am Category: Politics
am “Not on Cheers” Malone, a Cincinnati councilman, provides today’s amusing anecdote from the world of wingnuts:
Cincinnati Councilman Sam Malone was indignant.His Equal Rights Not Special Rights Committee, which is campaigning against the gay-rights activists who want to repeal Article XII, had pamphleted every car in a two-block radius of the John Edwards rally in Bond Hill on Monday.
When Kerry-Edwards volunteers promptly removed the pamphlets and threw them in a sewer, Malone’s crew took photographs of the dirty deed - and then cried foul.
“There’s got to be some violation when you’re touching someone’s literature,” Malone said. “That’s basically like taking a yard sign out of somebody’s yard.”
He apparently hadn’t read Cincinnati Municipal Code Section 714-25, which reads, “No person shall throw or deposit any commercial or non-commercial handbill in or upon any vehicle.”
Click on Sam’s picture to hear what the other Sam would say about this.
Frozen in the Headlights
Posted by on 09/26/04 at 8:33 am Category: Politics
ou cannot lead the war against terror if you wilt or waver when times get tough.” I wonder who said that? Guess.
Spitballs Redivivus
Posted by on 09/24/04 at 10:27 am Category: Politics
ne of the stranger rationales for voting for Bush so far trotted out by the campaign is that the President is being supported by a 9-year-old. The 9-year-old in question is one Master Noah McCullough, who had his own live chat at the BC04 web site last night. Unfortunately, Noah didn’t answer any of the questions I had sent. (That’s probably because Ken Mehlman had already asked Noah whether he liked gladiator movies and already knew the answer.)
But he did reveal that he is planning to run for President (as a Republican, natch) in 2032. And judging from his chat he has one quality that would make him an excellent Republicanist candidate. He’s already quite the little fibber. Talking about his experience as the youngest and smartest Republican presidential candidate, he recounted this anecdote of mistreatment at the hands of the Democrats:
During the Democratic Convention, because I was a Republican, some of the Democrats did not treat me very nice. After I had interviewed with the Tonight Show, I gave someone my card, she looked at the Republican thing, and then she ripped it up, spit on it, stamped on it and said a word that I do not want to repeat.
She spit on it? Then stamped on it too?? Like with her feet? And on top of that she really said a naughty word too? Oh my goodness. Not even that evil Hillary could do that to such a cute little kid. (And, of course, no one did. Clearly Noah shouldnt have been allowed to stay up past his bedtime for Zell’s speech.)
Babies For Bush
Posted by on 09/23/04 at 11:52 am Category: Politics
he Bush Campaign has a thing about children, and maybe not in an entirely nice way, although probably somewhat short of Amber Alert territory. First, there was this recent picture of W offering up some unsuspecting tot up to the Red State Deity in the sky, hoping to convert the child then and there.
Then, a few days before, Jenna and Barb (probably through their amanuenses Karl and Ken) purported to have found in the backwoods of Michigan a four-month old Bush supporter. Quick, call Guinness! No, Jenna, the book, not the brewery.
And today, the BC04 website — a continual source of amusement — announced with a completely straight face that Noah McCullough, a 9-year-old guest on Fox News during the Republican National Convention, will host an online chat.
Noah will discuss why,
knowing all he knows about America’s Presidents, he believes it’s critical we re-elect President Bushand Vice President Cheney for four more years.
I’ve submitted a few of my own questions for young Noah that might help me decide how to cast my vote in November:
Who is your favorite character in Finding Nemo? Do you think that this character would vote for Bush even though, like you, cartoon characters can’t vote? Do you think they should be allowed to vote?
Do you agree with the President’s position on whether amusement parks should be allowed to have those signs saying you must be this tall to ride? Are you that tall?
Do you approve of President Bush using gay marriage as a wedge issue? If so, how are you going to feel if you discover, after having reached puberty, that you might be gay? Also, do you like to watch gladiator movies?
You can submit your own questions for Master Noah here.
The Best of All Possible Iraqs
Posted by on 09/22/04 at 2:10 pm Category: Politics
esterday Bush trotted out Ayad Allawi, the animatronic Prime Minister of Iraq and second-favorite Bush family pet for a photo op in New York to prove he’s real and to inspire confidence. Allawi sat up, spoke, rolled over and, being a loyal member of the Bush kennel, barked out a few things that were just not true.
It’s very important for the people of the world really to know that we are winning, we are making progress in Iraq. We are defeating terrorists. Najaf, Samarra, Mosul, Basra are all live examples that a lot of progress have been made. . . . So, really, the winning, it’s unfortunate, is not being portrayed in the media. This is very unfortunate. I always say that we are welcoming any media who wants to come to Iraq and see for themselves the grounds we are covering and the winning we are doing in Iraq.
Well, maybe part of the reason that the media doesn’t report these “victories” is that it’s still not safe to travel to Najaf, Samarra, Mosul, Basra and pretty much the rest of Iraq unless riding in an armored personnel carrier.
And maybe another reason is that it’s simply not true. Samarra is still under the control of insurgents. A suicide bomber detonated a car bomb in Mosul this morning. Fighting between British troops and supporters of Moqtada al-Sadr is continuing in Basra. A pre-dawn raid in Najaf confiscated “thousands” of weapons in a cache controlled by loyalists to al-Sadr.
George Jr., of course, chimed in at the same photo op to dismiss the CIA’s latest National Intelligence Estimate on Iraq which could be characterized as not very consistent with Allawi’s optimistic gloss. As Dan Froomkin put it:
Bush played down the significance of a CIA report forecasting more difficulty in Iraq. “The CIA laid out several scenarios and said life could be lousy, life could be okay, [or] life could be better. . .,” he said.The confidential August report to policymakers, according to an administration official who described it yesterday, outlined three scenarios over the next 18 months: a period of “tenuous stability,” a time of “further fragmentation and extremism” or a period of “trending to civil war.”
Okay, so let me see if I get this straight. “Trending to civil war” I gather would be “lousy.” But does that mean Bush sees “further fragmentation and extremism” as “okay”? And “tenuous stability” as “better”?